We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
