I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
How's work?
Spinning.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
