playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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