He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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