In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
