Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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