Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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