and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
