I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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