I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize