ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Everyone says I win the strip club
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
