dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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