yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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