Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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