"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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