I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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