if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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