I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
her vagine was all disorganized.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
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