The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I wish i was in the wii world.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Randomize
