I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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