He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
