I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
