Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize