oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
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just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
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Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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