mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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