Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
