i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
