is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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