WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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