i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
