either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
