So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
