; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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