I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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