I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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