im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
