Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
