is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I am available for nakedness
You are a genius and a whore.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
