You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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