Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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