I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
