the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
