omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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