it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
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I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize