I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
