You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
