I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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