I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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