she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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