Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
