Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
