I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
