one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize