Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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