remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
