i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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