Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
