The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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