I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Found your dick twin last night
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
