all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
