I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
